i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
