I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My liver just had a heart attack.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
