just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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