Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
