Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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