They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
