Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
