somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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