she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize