Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
