Moan for me like Helen Keller
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
