I'm jealous of your bromance
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
