No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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