last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
