it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
