It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
