Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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