Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
