You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
