last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
