She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
