Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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