God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
