so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
