dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
