Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
