And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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