I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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