he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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