the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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