OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
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Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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