the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
