Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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