Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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