Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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