yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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