he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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