if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
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I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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