hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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