Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
