She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
