I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
