Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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