He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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