So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
