whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
