I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
