I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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