you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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