he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
