What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
