The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
send nudes
from the living room?
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