I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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