he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
