are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
