I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
