I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
