Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
