I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
