I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize